Marriage is a Continues Schooling

The fact that a man remains a husband makes him not only a survivor, but a person who understands marriage. Yet, each day, a husband is faced with temporary defeats that if allowed, will rob the marriage of lasting relationship and happiness.

‘Marriage is a long journey, not a destination. It demands a strong and positive self-imaged man called a husband to command it.’

Hopefully, a husband must also understand that the future of the marriage relationship rests in the lessons he learns from these temporary set-backs. One set-back is conflict in the home. Once couples are married, they have to deal with the inevitability of arguments and conflict. Couples who deal poorly with arguments and conflict build up a history of negative emotional interactions that erodes marital satisfaction.

‘Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers. Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.’ (1 Peter 3:7-9)

‘Men are protectors and maintainers of women…’ (Qur’an, 4:34)

Karney and Bradbury reviewed a few studies on marital satisfaction and created the vulnerability-stress-adaptation model. As the name implies, the vulnerability-stress-adaptation model involves three main concepts:

©      Vulnerability – each partner brings strengths and weaknesses to the relationship, including personality, beliefs and attitudes about marriage, and social background.

©      Stress – various life events can cause the partners to experience tension and aggravation.

©      Adaptation – the partners engage in processes to deal with conflict, which vary in terms of how the partners communicate and support each other.

How well couples handle conflict and stress depends on their vulnerabilities, the kinds of stresses they face, and their processes of adaptation. Couples, who handle conflict and stress poorly to the extent of inviting third parties, become less and less satisfied with their relationships over time.

Every husband must be able to identify and practice the best means and form to resolve conflict between him and his wife.

A married man is an effective and efficient husband when he is an active peacemaker, i.e. building bridges of common understanding in order to achieve a long term relationship.

Should you reason, agree, apologize, fight or leave? Which is your benefit and to the benefit of those you must protect? Arguing often makes your wife defensive and determined to prevail.  As much as possible avoid conflict but if it occurs, below are general principles that every husband must adopt in conflict resolution at home:

1. Remain calm and detached.
2. Let go of your anger. It only clouds the issue and draws you into a quick response.
3. Allow your wife to rage while you consider the appropriate response.
4. Whenever possible, use kindness as a weapon against evil.
5. Neutralize shouting with soft words.
6. Answer threats with serene confidence.
7. Speak plainly.
8. Don’t use foul language or sarcasm.
9. Breathe deeply with long exhalations.
10. Maintain your presence. Don’t exaggerate.
11. Think about an interesting time you had together
12. Don’t lie.
13. Attack the argument and not the person.
14. Don’t invite a third party.
15. Pray for your wife.

In fact, husbands who use humour and gentleness to soothe the feelings of their wives, and who respond calmly to the negative emotional expressions of their wives, are more likely to resolve conflicts in the home. Other characteristics which do not help in conflict resolution in the home are:

• Criticism – instead of complaining about behaviour, you attack your partner’s personality or character, usually with blame. Criticism of personality also comes in the form of listing complaints about past behaviours and thereby suggesting a character fault.
• Contempt – contempt is criticism that is intended to insult and psychologically abuse a partner. Contempt reflects a very negative view of your partner.
• Defensiveness - defensiveness is a way of avoiding taking responsibility for setting things right by denying responsibility, making excuses, attributing negative thoughts to partners, using one’s own complaints to counter a partner’s complaints, and simply repeating oneself.
•  Stonewalling - stonewalling is a break down of communication. The partners turn into ‘stone walls’ and stop responding to communication.

Also, a husband as a diplomat must use his creativity and imagination to turn unpleasant lessons into pleasant ones in the future. This calls for the husband to occasionally sit down and reflect on the success and apparent failures that the marriage has gone through.

As the husband reflects, he must ask himself what went well, what didn’t go well, what could have been done differently in the future to get the best results. A husband can’t expect to obtain happiness in the marriage from doing more of the things that aren’t working. Although, some things take practice in order to gain comfort, a husband is not seeing improvements and results from certain practice, that’s a good sign that, he is doing or taking the wrong approach.

Read Full Post »

Knowledge is the Power behind Marriage

The husband has one clear and unavoidable primary obligation: to provide his wife with the necessities of life. However, there are some basic characteristics and facts that every effective and efficient husband must know and possess.

One of the greatest differentials between successful and unsuccessful marriages is the amount of adequate knowledge that the husband possess. Some people would think that money would be the most important factor for the success of marriages, but with my over 10 years of teaching on the subjects of sex and marriage, I have come to know the truth that having money alone does not make marriages successful.

Disaster and misunderstanding strikes in marriages when husbands run the marriage life on limited knowledge. Not understanding the possible obstacles and dangers facing the marriage due to ignorance. Besides, the Holy Scriptures says lack of knowledge makes every establishment like the marriage institution perishes, and also instructs husband to have knowledge and understanding when dealing with their wives.

‘…Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.’ (1 Peter 3:7)

Husbands are not wise when they succumb to the casual and common way of joking about how difficult it is to ‘understanding females.’ Any human being (male or female) is complex in personality and behaviour. So no one is easy to understand. The Bible does not say it will be easy to understand a marriage partner, but specifically commands a husband to have an extensive, practical knowledge of his wife and her ways, and to live with her in light of that knowledge.

It is important for every husband to make sure that he gets enough information to carry out the tasks that he desires to make the marriage successful. Although, our generation is a generation of abundance knowledge, there seems to be inequalities between husbands when it comes to getting good results from the information that they acquire to build their marriages. This seems to be because, many husbands do not know that they need more than just the mere acquisition of knowledge, they need adequate knowledge. For example;

In authority wise, the husband is the first among equals in every marriage. The power of the husband evolves from their wives. Without their wives, they are no husbands. Children do not make husbands, but wives do.

The above statement can only be understood and comprehended by husbands who are in tune with adequate knowledge of the times. It is only through knowledge that a married man will understand his new duties, responsibilities and function as a husband.

A husband may be able to acquire adequate knowledge from several sources like;

©      Books and magazines

©      His own experience and that of others

©      Counsellors

©      Marriage seminars

©      Music, movies, sports, games and paintings

©      Internet

©      Television and radio talk shows.

Knowledge is indeed power. Without knowledge, marriages will always be unsuccessful. Knowledge feeds our desires with an awareness of alternative choices. Husbands with adequate information on how the 21^st centaury marriage works are able to gain advantages in life that the ignorant often miss out.

Great opportunities that can heal and advance our marriages do come knocking on our doors often, but when a husband lacks certain information, the marriage relationship misses the chance to seize these new opportunities forever.

Read Full Post »

A Married Man is an Entrepreneur

One of the main reasons for weaknesses in marriages in Ghana that may lead to divorce is husbands’ inability to stump their authority at home and adequately appreciate and perform their marital duties and responsibilities as entrepreneurs.

 Until every married man sees himself as an entrepreneur, marriages will always be at the verge of breakdown and try and error.

An entrepreneur, a loanword from French, which was first introduced, loved and defined by the Irish economist, Richard Cantillon can be defined as;

‘…a person who undertakes and operates a new enterprise or venture and assumes some accountability for the inherent risk.’

An entrepreneur can also be defined as a problem solver, a person who solves problems for people at a profit. Entrepreneurship is often difficult, as many new ventures fail from the beginning.

Marriage, as every business institution is an adventurous, interesting, risky and full of blessings, and it must be run as such. Business entrepreneurs (just like married men) often have strong beliefs about an opportunity and are willing to accept a high level of personal and financial risk to pursue that opportunity.  

Sometimes, it tastes like honey, other times it’s extremely bitter. Many times, the performance of a married man’s roles become stressful due to role conflict and his inability to define his roles properly, however he is expected to perform these tasks any way. Both entrepreneur and married men must and do have these personal traits as stated by John G. Burch (Business Horizon, September 1986);

•    A desire to achieve: The push to conquer problems, and give birth to a successful venture.
•    Hard working: It is often suggested that many entrepreneurs are workaholics.
•   Nurturing qualities: Willing to take charge of, and watch over a venture until it can stand alone.
•   Acceptance of responsibility: are morally, legally, and mentally accountable for their ventures. Some entrepreneurs may be driven more by altruism than by self-interest.
•    Reward orientation: Desire to achieve, work hard, and take responsibility, but also with a commensurate desire to be rewarded handsomely for their effort; rewards can be in forms other than money, such as recognition and respect.
•    Optimism: Live by the philosophy that this is the best of times, and that anything is possible.
•   Orientation to excellence: Often desire to achieve something outstanding that they can be proud of.

Read Full Post »

Top Ten Ways To Save Your Marriage

If you are worried about your relationship and searching for ways to save a marriage, here are 10 tips you must know.

1. Don’t be afraid to say, “I’m sorry.” Many times you get angry over something very small and insignificant such as leaving a light on or not closing a door. If you let enough of these inconsequential problems pile up they can turn into something larger. Remember to apologize when the occasion calls for it.

2. Financial matters are often argued over. Give some thought to this and come up with a plan and a budget. Perhaps a joint savings account where you keep some extra money for those things you want that are not really necessary items.

3. Don’t be selfish. Every now and then give in to your partner and let them choose what movie to watch or what restaurant to eat at.

4. Another tip on ways to save a marriage is not forgetting to say thank you. This is important. If you never say thanks, your mate may begin to feel taken advantage of. This is true for small things and big things.

5. Surprise your partner occasionally with a small gift or a favorite meal. You’ll be amazed how good this can make you feel.

6. If you are angry with each other, don’t take that time to discuss important issues. Wait until you have cooled down and are calm.

7. Don’t bring up and rehash past mistakes. Let them stay in the past.

8. Think before you speak. Often we speak critically and say things before we have a chance to filter those thoughts. Count to 10 if you must.

9. Accept his or her annoying habits. Everyone has them and, surprisingly, these are the things you would miss if they were gone.

10. A final tip on ways to save a marriage is to ask what your partner is thinking sometimes. Don’t just assume you know.

Read Full Post »

Mistakes men make in bed

It is important to note that mistakes men usually make in bed also cause sexual dysfunction in women. You’ve got her as far as your bedroom. What could possibly go wrong now? Many things – read these and find out why she never phoned or returned your calls.

1. Playing with her nipples. Nipples are sensitive and should be treated gently. They should not be treated like radio dials.

2. Ignoring the rest of her body. A woman is made up of more than two breasts and a vagina. Pay attention to the rest of her.

3. Not kissing first. Foreplay starts with passionate kissing. Don’t skip this part – she will feel neglected by your apparent haste.

4. Attacking the clitoris. Be gentle and don’t use direct pressure. This could be both uncomfortable and painful.

5. Taking your pants off first. There are few things less attractive than a man in only socks, a shirt and underpants.

6. Going too fast. Remember this is not an Olympic event. There is no need for you to pump away like a hydraulic power tool. Build up slowly – and you both might have more fun.

7. Nudging her head down. All women hate this. There is an element of desperation involved here when men do this. For women, it’s a very short step from being dragged to a cave by the hair. If both of you enjoy oral sex, this will happen by itself. Don’t involve an element of force.

8. Taking pictures. Her first thought will be “Who do you want to show them to?”

9. Thank a woman for having sex with you. It makes her feel secure and wanted. She will be back for more.

Read Full Post »

Sensual Dysfunction

To be a great lover and the woman to fully enjoy, the man must master the art of foreplay. Lot of men think foreplay is a pre-requisite to a good sex, whiles their women also perceive foreplay as an integral part of the process of sex itself. Therefore, foreplay can also be defined as the method by which the woman’s level of sexual excitement is increased and allowing her to have sex and enjoy it.

Sometimes in the foreplay leading up to penetration, a man’s erection softens or even disappears altogether. This is quite normal. Erections come and go during sex. All that’s usually needed to restore firmness is a little more direct stimulation such as oral sex or the contact of his penis with his partner’s vulva.

1. Fear of Rejection

In the real world, sex is more likely to be impeded by anxiety. Fear of rejection, fear of not meeting the partner’s expectations, and fear of not being able to perform are among the most common emotional barriers to intercourse. Some dysfunctional people harbour feelings of guilt over their sexual needs, or lack the skill or desire to stimulate their partner. Even mild anxiety can impede or disable sexual performance. Ignorance and inexperience contribute their own problems.

“Frequently, for instance” reveals Dr. Helen Singer Kaplan in Psychology Today, “neither spouse knows where the clitoris is or recognizes its potential for eliciting erotic pleasure. They have intercourse as soon as the husband has an erection, and he ejaculates without considering whether his partner is ready. Such couples genuinely wonder why the wife does not reach orgasm.”

Self-hatred manifests itself in a number of anti-erotic behaviours. “Some women are reluctant to act seductively for fear of rejection and ridicule. Young women … express the desire to look ‘sexy’ and wear seductive clothes, but fear that men in particular will think them grotesque. … Many obese persons attempt to hide their bodies under cover of darkness, or keep their clothes on during sexual intimacy.”

2. Fear of Touch

For many men, the opportunity to be touched, even casually by a woman is arousing. And, no, it’s not because men are different than women innately. This is because boys are often raised with little physical nurturance. Some men are so touch deprived that they shut off the awareness of the need for it entirely. As a result they appear cold, distant and emotionally unavailable. They have little understanding of why a woman wants to be touched or cuddled. It completely baffles them.

Many cultures within the larger Ghanaian culture work to toughen up boys and assume that cuddling, hugging and kissing boys makes “Mama Ba” (Mama’s boys) out of them. This creates an environment in which our male children are raised without physical touch. Yet we know, from years of research that touch is a basic need. Babies deprived of touch do not survive; they will quit eating and die. While men, even 5 or 6 year old boys are not infants, they, like all of us have a basic need to be held, to be touched, and otherwise physically nurtured. This need for touch can be hidden away for years, until perhaps in their early teens, a girl steals a kiss or holds his hands. Suddenly he finds himself aroused and from that moment on, associates touch with sex.

Then these poor guys get accused of being hyper sexual because the need for touch, which has been repressed for years, suddenly emerges as sexual desire. The hormone oxytocin carries messages of bonding, safety, overall well being and of love to our brains and to our bodies. It also increases sexual arousal. This hormone is released when there is any type of skin-to-skin contact. This generally happens at the same time as the developmental hormonal changes of adolescence, further complicating matters. From the male perspective then, touch is equal to sex.

Couples observed touching affectionately test as being more securely attached and having a more satisfying sex life. If you are unhappy with the amount of sexual activity with your partner, notice what happens when you become more affectionate in general with each other. Increasing overall affectionate behaviors can have a positive effect on each of you individually, as well as increasing the amount of sexual activity between you.

Touch alone can transform the quality of your relationship.

If you are not feeling safe enough with your partner to enjoy copious amounts of affection, you might want to ask yourself why not. Is this because of your own discomfort with touch? Or is it because you fear that touch will initiate sex when that is always what you want? Is your partner uncomfortable with touch and therefore reluctant to express their affection physically? These are all questions that you and your partner should discuss, certainly before committing to a long-term relationship.

3. Fear of Pain

During sexual arousal some things that might otherwise be painful (such as the application of ice) can be pleasurable. Spanking, for example, is not really painful when done in a restrained manner to the buttocks. But some people will allow themselves to endure real pain or humiliation if they feel the pleasure or rewards of a relationship still outweigh the benefits. A person may endure cruel treatment or even beatings for the sake of love or hot sex. In some cases the treatment is a cost paid for a rewarding relationship, in some cases it adds “spice” or there may be a confusing mixture.

Nonetheless, erotic arousal can be coaxed, and this can often be done by creating the right mood, creating a feeling of safety, familiarity and pleasure in touching, and by expressing appropriate consideration and interest. Being “seduced” (an enjoyable game played by two consenting adults) can be a pleasant kind of attention.

In such cases “seduction” can be a gentle way for one or both participants to safely explore how far they really want to go. Some people attempt to find aphrodisiacs to simplify the process, but there is no aphrodisiac that compares to enthusiasm, i.e. finding the keys to a person’s personal erotic interests (when they exist).

In both sexes, early sexual excitement is marked by blood rushing to the skin surfaces and to the sexual organs, causing erection in the man, clitoral swelling in the woman, enlargement of her breasts and nipples and usually his nipples too, a bit of secretion from the penis, lubrication of her vagina, and muscular tension as well as a flushed appearance to the face and chest.

Read Full Post »

Romance Is A Process, Not An Event

Romance in the home is different from foreplay which shall be discussed in detail under another chapter in this book. It is important to know that romance is not foreplay. Romance covers the day to day activities, behaviour and feeling both partners share towards each other.

Romance is both a conscious and unconscious statements partners makes to each other through several means, even eye contact speaks a lot. The unconscious statements or actions of romance are instinctive in nature and cannot be readily controlled, but all depends on the settings. Romantic settings include:

1. Mind Setting
2. Environment Setting
3. Body Setting

 1.      Mind Setting

You must understand that romance in necessary. Without it your affection for each other will never develop. You must believe that your partner is your prime source of joy and happiness in the whole world and you are willing to let your partner know through the romance. Mind setting includes:

©      Remembering Birthdays and Anniversaries- Remembering your beloved’s birthday and your anniversary isn’t so much romantic as what you do for your partner on that special day.

As far as birthday presents and so forth go, you can make the gift personal by carefully considering your beloved’s interests and choosing a gift uniquely suited to her personality.

©      Your Time- One of the required ingredients of romance is sacrificing part of your time. Women normally values the time their partners have for them as the measure of how much their care about them. Remember, there’s no way out of it.

©      Read the same Romantic books one after the other- There should be times the two of you sit close to each other and read the same book like this one word for word. Even if you read a romantic novel without the knowledge of the other, convince your partner to read also. Watch Romantic movies together.

©      Go to quiet and serene places together- This includes the beach. Interestingly, the only time some couples share romantic moments together is when they are in bed at night. The two of you should move out of home sometimes and find comfortable haven away from home.

2.      Environment Setting

‘For this cause I left thee in Crete, that thou should set in order the things that are wanting…’ (1 Titus 1:5)

This is setting the things around you in order. Romance in the home is different from foreplay. The three elements to enhance when creating a romantic home are comfort, nature and the past. These three can be explained as:

• Comfort: Satisfy the senses with soothing colours for the eyes; fresh scents of herbs and flowers for the nose; delightful, mellow tactile experiences for touch.
• Nature: Let the natural lights in and keep window treatments to a minimum. Bring nature in through natural elements like flowers, vegetables, fruits, dried grasses and flowers, shells, bird nests, etc.
• The Past: Find charming antique objects like old wine bottles for use every day. An old kettle makes a delightful container for a fruit and flower arrangement.

A romantic environment includes:

©      Furniture setting-[dinning room, hall, bathroom, kitchen, bedroom]

©      Room scent- the smell of your room should always be pleasant and sweet. Natural flowers scent or the cold breeze from outside is always the best.

©      Background music- Background music is romantic, and note the word “background,” because not just any music is romantic. For music to be romantic, it must be too soft to hear. Also, it may not be lively or funny or good but quickens the love hormones in you.

©      Cute Things- Teddy bears are romantic. Puppies are romantic. Those photographs where two little kids exhibit an unnatural affection for each other and only the roses are in colour are romantic.

The rule is simple. Small things are cute. If you see a food product in the supermarket that comes in a smaller package than usual, get it, because there’s a very good chance it’s cute. The same goes for travel size shampoo, toothpaste, and so on.

Some things are inherently romantic, like hearts. This is very useful, because you can pile things upon the object of your affections and win romance points without expending any additional effort or thought. The trick is to figure out what is romantic and what is not. There is a basic rule of thumb to follow: if it’s cool, it’s not romantic.

©      Low Light- Candles are romantic. Sunrises and sunsets are romantic. Any kind of low light you see, is romantic, hence dinner dates after dark are more romantic than lunch dates at noon.

Combine low light sources, and it stands to reason that the air of romance will be so thick, your beloved will be blind to anything else but the radiance of her shimmering knight in armour. Open the curtains on a sunset and light some candles, and you might even be able to get away with watching a football game during dinner.

©      Red and Pink Colour- Red and pink are romantic, because red is the colour of love and passion and pink is the beauty. Consider roses. Red roses mean, “I love you.” Yellow roses mean, “Let’s just be friends,” which is synonymous with, “You are irritating, and I hate you.”

So you do not want to be wrong. Get her red or pink roses, red or pink ribbons, red or pink balloons, red or pink teddy bears, red or pink dresses and jewels and she’ll fall hopelessly under your spell.

©      Chocolates- Chocolates are not only romantic, they’re complimentary. When you give a box of chocolates to your beloved, it says, “You are still the apple of my eye.” It doesn’t matter if it’s true — it’s the message that counts. But the real reason to give your loved one chocolate is because any loved one worth her salt will turn right around and offer you some. It’s a win-win no matter how you look at it.

©      Personal Stuff- Romance is personal. To be romantic, you must be personal and do personal kind of things. It’s sort of romantic to buy an expensive greeting card for your loved one, but to be really romantic, you should sign it.

Even when a woman comes homes late and she is not able to cook that evening, she can buy some kenkey from town. But to make that supper romantic, she needs to add her personal touch. She must add sliced tomatoes and onions which she does herself.

©      Expensive Coke also works. Expensive Coke is taking her to a very long distance far away from home, and buying her just a bottle of soft drink. Flowers always work.

3.      Body Setting

This is thorough cleanliness of the body which entails shaving, brushing, bathing, use of good perfume and deodorant to make your body attractive and pleasant. Cleanliness must cover the:

©      Mouth-[teeth, tongue, breath]

©      Nails-[fingers, toes]

©      Ears and Nose

©      Private parts-[vagina, penis and testicles, armpit]

©       Underwear-[panties, brassieres, nightwear, boxer shorts, singlet]

Let me state here that, no woman should buy her nightwear on her own. Women nightwear should be bought by their husbands.

©       Make ups-[hair, face, skin]

In these modern times, beauty does not just lie in the eyes of the beholder, but it appreciates or depreciates with time and familiarity in the eyes of the beholder.

Complete beauty consists of both inner and outer beauty. Whilst the inner beauty is innate and evolves from the hidden personality of the woman, outer beauty can be bought. Every woman must look attractive and sexy. Use the best of make-up if necessary including new hair styles, manicure, pedicures and the best of body creams.

 

Read Full Post »

A Married Man Is Respected At The City Gate

Since change is the only constant thing in life, it is something husbands ought to enjoy at a steady pace. However, there are some factors of life that need to be constant in order for husbands to keep their marriages sane and build stability.

Women are very interesting beings. As often as they keep criticism more to heart than men, so as every weak smile from their husbands make them feel threatened. A husband must maintain the pace of the relationship between him and his wife. Marriage is like fire that needs to be fuelled to keep it burning, and it is the prime responsibility of the husband to keep it burning.

A husband must be very innovative and establish an effective communication channel like telephone calls and text messages, plan to meet each other at a specific place, find a hobby that you can both share, surprise your partner with cards, gifts, letters or flowers. He must also make it a habit to pray for the wife, be supportive and give her encouraging lyrics.

Also, husbands are expected to remain calm, courteous and loving at all times regardless of the wife’s behaviour. Some outstanding qualities of a husband which helps in keeping the pace of the marriage is attentiveness, loyalty, maturity, respect for confidentiality and discretion, a positive attitude and dependability. All these can be achieved when a husband accepts that there has never being any woman as beautiful and intelligent than his wife in the entire universe and never will be.

‘By Him Who created male and female; Verily, your efforts and deeds are diverse (different in aims and purpose).’ (Qur’an, 92:3-4)

Even if she is an identical twine, there will still be some distinguishing factors that tell her apart upon closer examination and inspection. Even her character and personal ambitions will make the difference. This factor of uniqueness is what makes your wife different from all other women.

Your wife has specific talents and abilities which distinguish her from other women. A husband is able to determine his wife’s specific purposes by looking at the mix of her abilities coupled with other factors including her strengths, health, height, looks, education, upbringing and passion.

Let’s once again have a critical look at the Bible’s ideal wife, but please look at it with fresh eyes:

Proverbs 31:11 – Her husband has full confidence in her . . . (14) She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. . . . (16) She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. . . . (17) She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. [Note: even her physical strength is valued.] (18) She sees that her trading is profitable . . . (24) She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes. (25) She is clothed with strength and dignity . . . (26) She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. . . . (28) Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: (29) “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.”. . . (30) Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate. . . .

This is one highly capable woman! Her husband esteems her intellect, talents, economic prowess and even her physical strength. Such is his faith in her that he even lets her buy property! You might lament that your wife is not as capable as this amazing woman, but if you don’t see your wife as having that potential, your very perception is most likely what is keeping her from achieving it. The mother of your children needs you to believe in her. No one has the power to shape her destiny like you have.

Like the lover in the Song of Solomon, we see in the above Scripture that the husband of the ideal wife richly praises her. He exalts her, both with his actions (by entrusting her with great responsibilities) and with his words. Don’t wait until she does something exceptional; find things right now to praise her. As it says in an omitted part of the above passage, “. . . a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised” (verse 30). Use your words to build her up. Do all you can to inspire her to new heights. What happens to the man who dares do this? Is he despised, neglected or left behind? ‘Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.’ (Proverbs 31:23)

Once husbands are able to search and identify these factors, they are able to determine their wives limitations and possibilities, and then come to conclusions within their judgment of what their wives are best able to do.

A wife’s obligations are to maintain a home for a husband, to care for him, to provide companionship and to gratify his needs. She is to keep her husband’s secrets and protect their marital privacy. Issues of intimacy or faults of his that will dishonour him, are not to be disclosed by the wife, just as he is expected to guard her honour. She must also manage the household affairs wisely so as to prevent loss or waste.

Likewise, the husband is obligated to pay debts his wife incurs in running the household: bills for electricity, water, food, clothing, furnishings and so on. So, when the wife’s potentials become devoted to good cause, the husband finds satisfaction and enjoys ultimately. This is because, wives abilities are always being utilized in a manner to stimulate happiness for the benefit of the husband. Conversely, if the wives potential is employed in an expectation that does not match their abilities, then their conscience will be disturbed.

Her uniqueness keeps her interesting, attractive, curious, studious and interdependent. So, in trying to make their wives imitate other women, husbands should rather encourage their wives to enjoy being themselves. And while they expect their wives to be multitasking and live to their expectation, it is important for husbands to remember that their wives can not be everything. They are unique.

Below are nine things that husband must never do against his wife;

 Cheat on his wife.

 Refuse to eat food prepared by his wife even when both are quarrelling.

 Angrily hit, punch or slap his wife.

 Deny his wife sexual satisfaction, unless a genuine reason is given and accepted by the woman. Or upon a common understanding.

 Go to bed whilst angry with his wife.

 Limit the love and care he has for his wife.

 Say, ‘I regret of marrying this woman’.

 Refuse to reassure the wife of his everlasting love for her, as often as possible.

 Forget to appreciate every little thing his wife does for him.

Read Full Post »

Sex And Sensuality

Sexual pleasure isn’t a science but an art, and the only way you can find out more about sexual pleasure, is to bring the creativity you have in other parts of your life, into the sexual arena, and start exploring. When it comes to sexual pleasure, we can focus too much on the genital connection, and ignore the fact that there is a whole body available for sexual stimulation. Arms, legs, hands, feet and all your five senses can all be important players in an awesome sexual pleasure.

Sex is an experience. Females have different architecture than men when it comes to sex. They do not think that sex is important to survive. Most women may think that sex does wonders to their complexions and moods, but some do prefer to sit and chat with their peers than engage in an entire afternoon of lovemaking. But most men on the other hand cannot do without it.

Evidence points to the many health benefits of an active sex life. ‘Sex Made Easy’, an article published in Men’s Health Magazine, gives 10 healthy reasons to hop into bed (a reminder that making love is good for both body and soul).

1. Exercise: “Sexual activity is a form of physical exercise,” according to Dr. Michael Cirigliano of the University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine. Making love three times a week burns around 7,500 calories in a year — the equivalent of jogging 75 miles.
2.  Heavy Breathing: A night of love can raise the amount of oxygen in cells, helping to keep organs and tissues functioning at their peak.
3.  Strong Bones and Muscles: “Any kind of physical exercise is going to increase testosterone,” states Dr. Karen Donahey, director of the Sex and Marital Therapy Program at Chicago’s Northwestern University Medical Center. Testosterone is believed to help keep men’s bones and muscles strong.
4.  Lowered Cholesterol: Making love regularly can lower levels of the body’s total cholesterol slightly, while positively changing the ratio of good-to-bad cholesterol.
5.  Pain Relief: Sex can lower levels of “arthritic pain, whiplash pain and headache pain,” according to Dr. Beverly Whipple, president-elect of the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists. Hormones that are released during sexual excitement and orgasm can elevate pain thresholds.
6.  DHEA (dehydroepiandrosterone) — Without Supplements: DHEA, a popular supplemental hormone, is released naturally during lovemaking. “Just before orgasm and ejaculation,” Crenshaw says, “DHEA spikes to levels three to five times higher than usual.”
7.  Prostate Protection: Researchers say prostate trouble may arise or be worsened by fluid build-up within the gland. Regular ejaculation will help wash out those fluids. Be cautious when suddenly changing frequency — sudden changes may also trigger prostate problems.
8.  Stress Relief: “Sex can be a very effective way of reducing stress levels,” Donahey told Men’s Health.
9.  Love Will Keep Us Together: Crenshaw says affectionate touch will increase levels of oxytocin — the “bonding hormone.” Oxytocin is a desire-enhancing chemical secreted by the pituitary. Regular oxytocin release may help encourage frequent lovemaking.
10.  Hormones (Naturally): “Regular lovemaking can increase a woman’s estrogen level, protect her heart and keep her vaginal tissues more supple,” states Donahey.

Imagine how a woman will feel after a passionate caress and the man ejaculates within 30 seconds immediately he enters the woman.

Men who are not able to have an erection may have several factors which includes emotional and economic. Such men may have to stay out of sexual intercourse for sometimes.

Below are some tips to forestall pre-mature ejaculation:

• Do a lot of physical exercise.
• Men who eat too much carbohydrate foods like gari, white bread (Tea bread), white or polished rice; artificial sugary foods like soft drinks, too much chocolate, sweet cakes and toffees; too much meat, fats, oil, milk, butter; and excess coffee and tea will become weak in bed.
• Eat more fresh fruits, leaves and vegetables especially carrots, cucumbers, guavas, garlic, onion, banana and taking Soya milk and Soya coffee.

On the average, it takes between ten and twenty times as long for a woman to become aroused as it does for a man. This means that for the first twenty minutes or so of lovemaking, a man may be erect and ready to enter his partner, while the woman will most likely just be warming up. Also, a man can achieve orgasm within 2 – 3 minutes when stimulated by a woman. Where as a woman can take up to 15 minutes to climax. These and other reasons are why husbands especially should learn and master the art of foreplay to get their wives on.

Our bodies are hardwired for arousal, but we need to trigger that arousal. Not with sexual thoughts or fantasies, but with sexual feelings or touch that physically excite us. Love making is a sensual activity because it is a complete exposure of all the five senses (eg; sight, feeling, taste, touch and smell). Foreplay takes 80% of love making. It includes lying close to each other and brushing each other (that is putting all your senses at work).

There are other forms of intercourse between men and women. These includes talking, laughing, touching, reading the newspaper together, watching a favourite movie on late night TV, or walking along the beach together just to watch the sea waves dancing. Sometimes the feelings you get from just being close to someone are as good or better than any feelings you can get from sexual intercourse itself. It may not be sex, but it is a critical part of making love.

Seriously, foreplay takes place in so many ways.  For example, the eyes of a woman are the windows to her soul.  The eyes speak loudly that which her voice cannot complete in volume.  Husbands should please learn to read your wife’s eyes – you’ll learn so much about her.
Then there is her touch.  Again you can tell so much about what she is thinking or needing.  She can be feeling very vulnerable even though she’s not saying it.  She can reveal her need for romance.  Women need to know they’re beautiful, and a man’s voice only sometimes does the trick.  

Remember, Actions DO speak louder than words.

Read Full Post »