LOVE SERIES with Akumaa Mama Zimbi – Chapter Two: MISREPRESENTATION OF LOVE

This chapter seeks to provide some answers to one of the most debated and controversial questions in human history that keeps bothering us till today. What is love? I do not want to start stating and explaining the forms of love like platonic love and agape love because the love I am talking about is strictly the love found in a relationship and marriage. I am not talking about the so called ‘LOVE’ which has become a very powerful and eternal false god of our imagination. Such LOVE causes people to maim, betray, kill, disobey their parents and even disobey their God.

Love, as the holy Bible defines money, answers all things. But the misunderstanding, misplacement and misappropriation of love can also be a doom and the root of all evils. We humans do marry unlike the animals because we have the power and opportunity to make an informed decision by considering several factors not disregarding entirely the opinion of the family. Some argue that marriage is love, but I will dissociate myself from that school of thought if they keep suggesting that love is just a feeling you have towards each other.

Animals sexually get attracted to each other. They yearn for companionship and care for each other. They mate. Some get jealous when others make sexual advances towards their chosen partners. They reproduce. They care and protect their young ones. These basic instincts that most mammals have happen in humans as well. Is this what we call love? If it is, why don’t the animals also marry? Some school of thought further argues that no one will marry his or her enemy, but I think people do.

Sometimes, Nations go to war, and Kingdoms fall all because of love. I am talking about something that its exact beginning and end can rarely be determined. I am talking about something which is not a drug but heals so many people from so many illnesses. I am talking about something which is not tangible but it can hit and hurt physically. I am talking about something which may be considered as a state of mind but can actually cause the malfunction of the heart which is the center of life in your body. It will always wait for you. It survives old age even when the children are grown and gone. It survives acute sicknesses. It last forever.

It is very unfortunate how the patriarchal nature of our society supported by modern religious tenets has explained the misjudgments of some men in history to their so called ‘LOVE’ of a woman.’ They have placed women as subjects, instruments or servants that the false god of their imagination called LOVE uses to destroy men and make them fall from grace as well.

This LOVE is not the love I am seeking to explain and propagate in this chapter. How can anyone suggest that prominent men in history fell or sinned because of the love they had for women or their wives. To me, women are not LOVE or objects of LOVE, but women are the graphic expressions of true love. This LOVE or ‘LOVE of a woman’ which I believe is just a false god of our imagination is not love, but may be due to our greediness, weakness, faithlessness, carelessness or lust. Besides, is the ‘LOVE of a man’ any better?

When a man is bold enough to tell a woman that ‘I Love You’, what does the statement mean to the man himself at that particular moment of declaration? Always remember that words are vague, ambiguous and flexible, so the same phrase can mean differently to different individuals.

To a man, saying ‘I Love You’ to a woman may mean ‘I want to support you’, ‘I want to marry you’, ‘I need you to have a child with me’, ‘You are beautiful’, ‘I like your manners’, I like your status, ‘I admire your talent’, ‘I admire your love for God’, ‘I like how you present yourself’, ‘I need a woman in my life because I am growing’, ‘I want to sleep with you’, ‘I want to have you because of the good things I have done for you’, ‘I want to stay with you in the same room’, ‘I want to be around you most of the time’ or ‘I need your help and support’. Which of these meanings did you know was at the back of your man’s head when you responded to his proposal and said to him that “I Love You Too’?

Try to remember and ask yourself, when you accepted his proposal and said to him that “I Love You Too’, what did you also mean?

Did you really understand what you said? Did you really understand what you accepted? Think about it. Medaase (meaning Thank You).

Please click link to watch video: https://youtu.be/dOd5UDhdkVQ

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LOVE SERIES with Akumaa Mama Zimbi – Chapter One: REASONS FOR LOVE

Throughout my years of helping people with how to choose the right partner for marriage, and also helping couples solve marital problems, I have come across sensitive but usually overlooked questions like managing Joint Account in marriage, when couples have different work shifts, how much money should a man spend on marriage rings, should a lady contribute financially for her wedding, when to accept a marriage proposal, when to divorce, dealing with troublesome in-laws and step children, can a married woman make a Will, how to manage abuses in marriage, and how to satisfy your husband or wife sexually.

People marry for many reasons like ‘love’, happiness, money, companionship, physical attraction, desire to escape from an unhappy situation and the desire to have children. Most couple’s marriage life is filled up with achievable and non achievable expectations. Some of the expectations will be realistic while others unrealistic. This is due to the complex nature of marriage, and each individual is as complex as how we arrive at the decision to marry. For me, marriage goes beyond these interests.

I always say to my listeners and viewers on radio and TV that there are no definite answers to issues in human relations like relationships and marriage. But the subjective views from a marriage counselor, relationship expert and sex educator like me, and with the knowledge you have acquired from others and from your own experience will help you shape your relationship or marriage for the better.

Personally, I don’t claim to have answers to every relationship or marriage issues, but I strongly believe that understanding the institution of marriage will surely help you to lift a standard against the fierce flood that always seek to devour our relationships and marriages. This is because if you keep on doing the same old things you are likely to get the same old results.

There is no doubt that the choice of a marital partner is one of the most important decisions one makes in his or her lifetime, and this is one basic challenge that this series seek to make easier for all those who are yet to enter into marriage and also offer adequate, practical and sustainable knowledge for all those who are already in marriage.

However, I see marriage really as not just the form or type chosen, but a conscious and holy agreement, commitment with love and responsibility for peace. Marriage is about sacrificing your freedom to attain the ultimate happiness of your partner and your descendants. It involves emotional and legal commitments. This is why I keep saying that a relationship or even courtship is not the stage to know everything about your partner. Neither is marriage the stage to meet shock and surprises about your partner.

What are your reasons for falling in love? Are you going to achieve them? Think about it. Medaase (meaning Thank You).

Please click link to watch video: https://youtu.be/H6qm1qJaazA

Twitter: @Akumaa
IG: akumaamamazimbi
LinkedIn: Akumaa Mama Zimbi
Facebook: Akumaa Mama Zimbi
Youtube: Akumaa Mama Zimbi
Tel: +233-244261200

My girlfirend has used another guy as her DP

Hello Dr. Mama Zimbi, am Eric. I think i have been the most foolish man ever known. I have wasted my time, money n every thing on this girl while on campus. I did all am suppose to knowing very well that she is going to be my would be wife. The saddest part is that for three years stay she never acted like breaking up with me . After a support for her to enter into University am now a junky. I loved her even to the extent of sending her to my parents. She is telling me to let her be of her self. I only call her to hear dishurting words in the of finding how she is doing. Her mother still calls me to stay calm but she has now blocked me and used a different man as her Dp. Am disturb, my heart is shaking. Not all this but cant say everything. Please advice me. Thanks

I want to do the abortion tonight

Hello Dr. Mama Zimbi, I am Belinda, 19yrs in Level 200. My father’s friend is 39yrs. He is good and Godfearing man. Sometimes he advice me to learn hard and also stay away from bad guys. I thought I’ve get a good uncle but not knowing he is more than the devil. He sometimes buy provisions for me and gives me money. He convince me oneday when I visited him and slept with me. He has been sleeping with me for the past 3months. Last month I missed my period and I told him. He bought a device at a pharmacy and told me to urinate in a bucket, he drop some amount of my urine on the device and the results was positive.

We went to some private hospital and he lied to the doctor that I’m his niece and someone has got me pregnant so the doctor should terminate it for me. I told them I want to go to the washroom. I run to school. Yesterday, he called me and pleaded to me to abort it for him cos he Cant stand the disgrace. He is a church elder and he has a wife with three children so I should abort. If I do this for him, he will try his best to get me visa for holidays. Mama, I fear to do that. I always observe that he is quiet and worried. I’ve made my mind to go and terminate the pregnancy tomorrow. Should I do it or stop it? Please advice me?

I don’t love her anymore

Hello Dr. Mama Zimbi, I am Nii, 29 and she’s Bernice 26. We have dated for 3 years. Her sister in USA called me last year and told me she wants her sister Bernice to come to USA. But to get confidence in the embassy, we should pretend we are married and go to the Registrar general or a pastor to get marriage certificate to support her Visa. Mama, I did it as she wanted, thinking she will get there and help all things be well for me and her. But before doing it I confronted her not to do it. We should stay here and work. I’m an IT Technician in one of the Ministries and she was a Diploma Teacher here. Mama, this lady got to the States and told me that because of her green card, she has married. So I should marry if I find someone I like. Mama, my fear now is, we already have made a marriage certificate of which she has a copy and can come and claim properties when she comes to Ghana and finds out that I’m married. Actually, I don’t love her anymore. I’ve been able to overcome that pains she put me through. But that certificate we did is my issue now. Please what should I do?

The love he has for me has now changed because of the anointing oil

Hello Dr. Mama Zimbi. I am Mariama, 33yrs and he is Ali 37yrs. We’ve married for 9yrs. I am Asante-Nkramo (Asante-Muslim). At first’ things was good. I mean business and everything to make marriage couples happy. But now my marriage is in danger. Mama, there is this lady who always visit my husband at his office and vice versa. My sister-in-law is my best friend. She was my mate in school so she linked her brother to marry me. Mama, I had a dream and i saw in my dream that my husband has married a second wife and after marriage my husband had an accident which resulted to cripple. So due to his condition the lady he married as a second wife quit and moved to her family. I told my sister-in-law about my dream.

After all, my sister in law is a Muslim but she always go to revival programs at church. She advised me to pray about it and escorted me to her pastor though she is a Muslim. The pastor gave me anointing oil to use to pray and use some to bath so that what the devil has plan wont come true. Mama, I used my husband phone to call my mum because there wasn’t enough credit on my phone. After my call, I went through his watsapp chat and i saw that he has propose to the lady for along time. Recently, My husband saw where i hide the anointing oil the pastor gave me, he threw it away and fought me for using it. He warned me not to go to church or see any pastor again. Mama, I always pray for him cos the devil has close his ears. Since he saw me using anointing oil and going to church programs while I am a Muslim, the love he has for me has now change to something else. So please advice me.