I’ve impregnated two ladies from the same family

​Hello Dr. Mama Zimbi, I am Frank, 25yrs. I’m electrician. The problem is I’ve impregnated two ladies from the same family. I didn’t know that they are from the same family. I and my girlfriend, Linda have stayed for 2yrs in Kumasi. We’ve aborted more. She got pregnant last 5months and we have agree to give birth. I went to Accra last 2months to work. I met Vivian and we dated for my 1week  working stay. She called me last month and told me she is pregnant for me. I begged her to abort it, I even went to Accra and we both went to Lab and I saw that she is pregnant. I told her to abort it but she said she will never abort. 

Last three days, my serious lady was browsing on my laptop and I saw Vivian’s picture on her wall. I asked her if she knows the lady on her wall cos I  became shocked when I saw her pic. My girlfriend told me the lady’s name is Vivian, she said she is her Auntie’s daughter but she lives in Accra but they are not in talking terms. Hearing this, I became silent and went out. Mama, I can’t sleep nor eat cos of the abomination I’ve caused. I have begged Vivian to terminate the pregnancy but she said No. Both of them doesn’t know that I’ve caused that mess. Please should I tell my serious lady about it or should I tell Vivian too. I’m depressed now. I know I’ve sin against God, May God forgive me for this. Please advice me cos I’m sad.

LOVE SERIES with Akumaa Mama Zimbi – Chapter Eight: Career women getting ready for Marriage

The question of whether successful business women or career women find it difficult getting married or maintaining their marriage is a serious issue that must be critically looked at. The challenges or successes in relationships or marriages of women in business or corporate Ghana is no different from that of women in the security services, women in institutions of higher learning, women politicians, women in showbiz and even successful market women.

As women, society has already prescribed roles, standards and limitations for us. These prescriptions normally form the basis of societal perceptions about women. If any women in not seen within those perimeters, it becomes a recipe and a responsibility for the woman to prove herself. For example, when a woman is always first in the classroom, she is either a witch or she has slept with the tutor. Also, the generally accepted rule is that man sows the seed and the woman water’s it. Man owns the home, and the woman manages the home. Men create jobs, and women are employed as secretaries and front desk executives.

Unfortunately, the general woes of women are strengthened by religious doctrines which about 90% of the leaders in the religious community are men. To the extent that, women are seen as the initiators of sin, the cause of the downfall of great men and inferior to men. Some religions has even prescribed the type of sex position acceptable to God called Missionary Sex Position, where women have to subdue or be in the rightful position even in lovemaking.

Some religions have asked some women to address their husbands as “My Lord”, to make the master-servant relationship a must in marriage. To top it all up, some religion has made it an abomination for a woman to propose love to a man or show interest in a man which of course is not the whole truth because Songs of Songs 3:1-3 negates that assertion. It reads:

By night on my bed I sought the one I love;
I sought him, but I did not find him.
“I will rise now,” I said,
“And go about the city;
In the streets and in the squares
I will seek the one I love.”
I sought him, but I did not find him.
The watchmen who go about the city found me;
I said, “Have you seen the one I love?”

This is usually where the troubles of successful single women who are ready to marry begin. Most potential suitors may not gather the courage to propose to a successful business woman probably because of her achievements, her class, her principles, her ‘I don’t need a man posture’, her wealth, her disrespect for men, her academic excellence, her taste for rich and exotic expenses and her future dreams. But these are all part of human nature, and they are not peculiar to women. The main issue with these men is fear which is due to lack of confidence, inferiority complex and perceptions.

Some men do not understand women who take risks, and how can any woman become a successful business woman without taking risks. Risk takers just as successful career women appreciate ideas and suggestions from others but they don’t want ideas to be imposed on them. They usually want their dreams to be appreciated and celebrated if it goes through. So, when such a woman lives with a man who does not understand these basic attribute of a ‘go getter’, then troubles start emerging in the relationship and marriage.

Also, being in a relationship means trying to know and understand each other to be convinced if we can live together as marriage couples in future. It is and must not be seen as a situation that by hook or crook there should be marriage. At any point, even a minute to the marriage, if anyone is not convinced there should be a breakup after giving the benefit of the doubt.

With these challenges and limited knowledge, I cannot say marriage is for everyone. I believe that selecting a partner and entering into a marital contract must be considered as both maturational milestone and personal achievement. The ability to marry is not basically about legal age, as the famous novelist Lawana Blackwell will say ‘Age is no guarantee of maturity.’ It is not about money or beauty but marriage is for matured individuals with ‘sound mind’ who are ready to take responsibilities and also compromise where necessary.

My dear, as a career woman are you sure you are ready for marriage? Think about it. Medaase

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Can this be love?

​Hello Dr. Mama Zimbi, am Ama 23yrs old and am having a guy living with him in the same room but sometimes he will tell me that I should go outside. All because he says his aunty’s daughter is coming to visit him and he doesn’t want her to meet me there till she leave. Because of that I sleep outside sometimes when the girl is in to spend the night. pls advice me.

My girlfriend is worrying me

​Hello Dr. Mama Zimbi, am Clement 22 years of age and she is Rita 22 years of age too. We have been  dating for some months now. We are both in the nursing college. She changes her behavior whenever she is in the house. Just yesterday I was asleep when she called me and she said she want to talk to me around 1, we talked for about a minute and she said she want to do something so she will call me in a minute or 2. So for abt 30 minutes she didn’t call so I then called back just to notice that she is on phone.

So about 10 minutes after my call, she called jux to tell me she is sorry but she was talking to a friend.. I can call her and she will be on phone and after her call she won’t call back till the next day then I call her myself, for her jux to tell me she is sorry….. I can’t say everything she has been doing. Jux this morning she called me to tell me that her ex boyfriend say I have been chatting with him….. and mummy I haven’t done such a thing and she is even  insisting that it me…. I don’t know what this lady want me to do now… MUMMY PLEASE ADVICE ME…. I BEG.